9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
