You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
