did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
