I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
