That's intense
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
