life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
