Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
