I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
