you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
