I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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