I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
