I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
