The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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