marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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