Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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