I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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