before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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