Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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