i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
