Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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