Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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