one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
