i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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