Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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