So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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