i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
