BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
