Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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