can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
