I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
