dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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