accomplished twins. life is a go
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
