youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Randomize
