at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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