I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
