Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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