I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
