I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
