My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
