hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
