I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no, he came in my armpit
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Randomize
