just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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