i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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