How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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