Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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