Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
