Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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