that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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