I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
