First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
