how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
